For the past week I have been in a funk. A spiritual malaise, if you will. I have not been able to shake it. I tried to be productive, but the most I could do was fill up my time with non-harmful activities. I'm not sure how productive that was. In part, I recognize this feeling as being similar to the post-semester blues I usually get. I suppose, finishing that paper after two or three weeks of intense work resulted in the same kind of depression.
But there was something more. The other night I was chatting with one of my best friends in this great wide world, Jerem Eyre. We were mission companions and all I can say is that we experienced some pretty amazing metaphysical (i.e. spiritual) events together. He wasn't the only companion with whom I had these kinds of experiences, but he was probably the first where I felt like we were experiencing the same kinds of things at the same time. Any way, the other night we were chatting on Facebook and it was a timely conversation. I hadn't had a deep conversation with him in a long time, but it didn't take long for us to open up to each other. That's how I know he is my friend, and of the "best friend" variety. Relationships need to be nurtured, and I've neglected this friendship. Lucky for both of us, he will be in Nashville this next week attending a seminar. We may only be able to get together Friday night, but something tells me, it will be eventful.
Back to the funk...I asked Jerem what he does when he gets into a slump and he said something to the effect that it comes and goes. That's true, but I still pose the rhetorical question, "What can I do to get out of deeply rooted funk?"
Now, fast forward to about an hour ago. I was reading Michael Quinn's interview with Helen Whitney. If you haven't seen the PBS FRONTLINE + American Experience four-hour documentary The Mormons, I highly recommend it. (You can watch it online and you can read other interviews here.) Depending on your level of orthodoxy, or unorthodoxy, and ability to confront problematic information, you may or may not like it. But, rest assured that everybody gets equal time to tell their side of the story, from President Hinckley and members of the Quorum of the Twelve, to faithful Mormon historians, to excommunicated members, some of which still consider themselves Mormon. How's that for cognitive dissonance?
As I read Quinn's interview, I felt even more depressed about life, about Mormonism, about my current situation with family and career. Here is this brilliant historian that has felt his whole life that God had a mission for him, and that mission ended up in excommunication. I don't care who you are, but his story is compelling. Once I finished the interview I went back to the list of interviews, many of which I had read several times. (Elder Jensen's and Kathleen Flake's interviews are amazing.) I scrolled down, and in the bottom right-hand corner there appears this editor's note:
"Due to limitations of time and resources, all the interviews conducted for this program could not be published. However, the LDS Church had also recorded the interviews conducted with Elder Packer and Elder Oaks and has published these on its own web site."
I have somehow missed these two interviews until now. I'm only half-way through Elder Packer's interview (it's long) but I felt impressed to stop and process some of the information. As I read his straightforward and pragmatic answers, the funk began to lift. What settled upon me was peace and a feeling that everything is going to be okay, whatever that means. I was profoundly touched by the following exchange in reference to personal revelation:
"HW: I guess that is an important challenge. How do you test the promptings and know whether they come from God or from yourself?
BKP: It’s a very fine line to determine whether the impression or prompting is revelation or just a personal thought. One of the tests is to ask yourself, is it good? Does it make you happy? Or is it destructive? You can test. I’ve known many people who have had promptings and found later that they were not right. When they are not right, you can see that they are not right. There’s a power called discernment. To discern is to see. And the power of discernment is one of the gifts that attends the priesthood. If all we knew is what we see and what we hear and what we read, we don’t know much comparatively. The power to discern and to see and to understand is one of the motivating influences of the gospel. And that’s how you know."
But there was something more. The other night I was chatting with one of my best friends in this great wide world, Jerem Eyre. We were mission companions and all I can say is that we experienced some pretty amazing metaphysical (i.e. spiritual) events together. He wasn't the only companion with whom I had these kinds of experiences, but he was probably the first where I felt like we were experiencing the same kinds of things at the same time. Any way, the other night we were chatting on Facebook and it was a timely conversation. I hadn't had a deep conversation with him in a long time, but it didn't take long for us to open up to each other. That's how I know he is my friend, and of the "best friend" variety. Relationships need to be nurtured, and I've neglected this friendship. Lucky for both of us, he will be in Nashville this next week attending a seminar. We may only be able to get together Friday night, but something tells me, it will be eventful.
Back to the funk...I asked Jerem what he does when he gets into a slump and he said something to the effect that it comes and goes. That's true, but I still pose the rhetorical question, "What can I do to get out of deeply rooted funk?"
Now, fast forward to about an hour ago. I was reading Michael Quinn's interview with Helen Whitney. If you haven't seen the PBS FRONTLINE + American Experience four-hour documentary The Mormons, I highly recommend it. (You can watch it online and you can read other interviews here.) Depending on your level of orthodoxy, or unorthodoxy, and ability to confront problematic information, you may or may not like it. But, rest assured that everybody gets equal time to tell their side of the story, from President Hinckley and members of the Quorum of the Twelve, to faithful Mormon historians, to excommunicated members, some of which still consider themselves Mormon. How's that for cognitive dissonance?
As I read Quinn's interview, I felt even more depressed about life, about Mormonism, about my current situation with family and career. Here is this brilliant historian that has felt his whole life that God had a mission for him, and that mission ended up in excommunication. I don't care who you are, but his story is compelling. Once I finished the interview I went back to the list of interviews, many of which I had read several times. (Elder Jensen's and Kathleen Flake's interviews are amazing.) I scrolled down, and in the bottom right-hand corner there appears this editor's note:
"Due to limitations of time and resources, all the interviews conducted for this program could not be published. However, the LDS Church had also recorded the interviews conducted with Elder Packer and Elder Oaks and has published these on its own web site."
I have somehow missed these two interviews until now. I'm only half-way through Elder Packer's interview (it's long) but I felt impressed to stop and process some of the information. As I read his straightforward and pragmatic answers, the funk began to lift. What settled upon me was peace and a feeling that everything is going to be okay, whatever that means. I was profoundly touched by the following exchange in reference to personal revelation:
"HW: I guess that is an important challenge. How do you test the promptings and know whether they come from God or from yourself?
BKP: It’s a very fine line to determine whether the impression or prompting is revelation or just a personal thought. One of the tests is to ask yourself, is it good? Does it make you happy? Or is it destructive? You can test. I’ve known many people who have had promptings and found later that they were not right. When they are not right, you can see that they are not right. There’s a power called discernment. To discern is to see. And the power of discernment is one of the gifts that attends the priesthood. If all we knew is what we see and what we hear and what we read, we don’t know much comparatively. The power to discern and to see and to understand is one of the motivating influences of the gospel. And that’s how you know."
Here is the etymology of the word "to discern": "Middle English, from Middle French discerner,discernere to separate, distinguish between, from dis- apart + cernere to sift (m-w.com)."
The image of sifting, separating, and distinguishing leads me to think that the process of discernment is not always immediate. During the process, whatever is being sifted apart gets all jumbled up and it requires time and effort. President Packer talks about two kinds of "seeing." He says that "to discern is to see." But then he juxtaposes that statement with the following: "If all we knew is what we see and what we hear and what we read, we don’t know much comparatively." I believe that what he is getting at is the difference between a physical tenet arrived at empirically, and a metaphysical tenet arrived at spiritually. Thus, we have physical and spiritual "seeing." I hold both in high regard because it allows for comparison.
One thing that I have learned in comparative methods, is that the differences are usually more important than the similarities. What two or more things, or groups of people, or ideas have in common is simply a point of departure. Looking at the differences accentuates that which makes each item unique and singular. My faith and my empirical knowledge do not need to fit together like a dove-joint at all times. In fact, the differences between physical and metaphysical experiences highlight one another. Therefore, I actually embrace cognitive dissonance because it requires me to examine closely the differences instead of trying to force similarities.
How do I know that Edler Packer's quote is a correct principle? Because as I read it, the funk dissipated. Likewise, this process - both intellectual and spiritual - follows a pattern I have experienced many times before. I believe this is the gift of discernment, the ability to access this process of "sifting apart."
Even though all the same problems and complexities and trials are still there, I feel confident and motivated to confront another day.
I don't know if any of this makes sense to anybody else, but I don't really care. It's my blog.
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