1. The last statement is true.
2. I am a natural born procrastinator. There. I admit it.
3. I have developed the uncanny ability to absorb huge quantities of information and then regurgitate it—mostly to pass frivolous exams. I suppose I have an academic eating disorder…scarf and barf.
4. I reached the zenith of my acting career at the age of five when I performed at the Assembly Hall on Temple Square in Janeen Brady’s Take Your Hat Off When the Flag Goes By. (At least it wasn’t a Janice Kapp Perry production. I don’t know how I could live with myself if it were.)
5. I am a natural born imposter and infiltrator. These skills have helped me get into high school Madrigals without auditioning, get a job at the MTC, and get into a doctoral program. Hopefully, I can bluff my way into a job with solid health care.
6. Most guitar players learn how to play “Stairway to Heaven” and then quickly forget it. It’s a rite of passage. The problem for me is that I still remember how to play it.
7. While I enjoy watching sci-fi movies, I abhor reading science fiction. Well, at least I think I do because I haven’t read much beyond Ender’s Game, which I quite enjoyed.
8. Either I am a misunderstood misanthrope in the body of an idealistic optimist, or I’m just a scuzz bucket.
9. I get choked up almost every time I hear Jeff Buckley’s arrangement of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”
10. If I meet a person who is a fan of Wilco, my respect for them increases ten fold. Conversely, if I meet a person who is a fan of Rush, I am impelled to poke pins into my eyes.
11. There are two kinds of people: those who see the world as a series of binary oppositions and those who do not. (For more information, see Statements 1 and 25.)
12. When I was fourteen I had a crush on a girl named Allison Munsee. We were in a journalism class together. I would love to have a daughter named Allison, but I would not want people to confuse her with the singer-songwriter that has won 26 Grammys.
13. “Good Vibrations” was not written by The Beach Boys; rather, it was written by God.
14. There are two questions that have plagued me my entire life. 1) “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” and 2) “How much hair could a hairnet knit if a hairnet could knit hair?”
15. I like to keep my enemies close. If you know me and I hardly ever talk to you, then I consider you a great friend. If I constantly call you in order to hang out, you better watch your back.
16. I have written over 175 songs. I can only remember the lyrics to about a dozen of them. It’s a good thing I have them all typed up.
17. My greatest wish is to be exhumed and buried in a different spot…perhaps in the Rotunda de los Hombres Ilustros.
18. Llifén is one of the most beautiful towns I have visited.
19. I feel it is my moral obligation to guide people to Snopes.com when they forward me messages of a dubious nature.
20. Between the ages of five and fifteen, my family moved a total of twelve times. I attended six grade schools, three junior highs, and one high school. That’s why it is so easy for me to make and break friendships. (See Statement 15)
21. One of my greatest desires is to be able to play “La Bamba” and “Twist and Shout” at the exact same time. They follow the same chord progression and the same basic rhythm, so it’s feasible.
22. As a child I would pick my nose and wipe the boogers under the couch cushions. As an adult, it takes a lot of personal mastery to abstain from this filthy sin.
23. It is my contention that the greatest book ever written has yet to be written. Think about it.
24. I would gladly sacrifice myself to the zombies if it meant I could save the lives of my children. No wait. Strike that, reverse it.
25. The first statement is false.
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